The Mad Dodd

I am Mambo Douglas.

2005-06-16T21:14:00.000-05:00

I come to dance.

Chapter the seventeenth...

2005-05-08T22:10:00.000-05:00

This entry made with love.

So, I guess if you're allergic to love you can just pick it out...or read around it or something. I hear some people are so allergic that they can't even read anything written in the same room where love has been. Love is insidious like that...just like peanuts. I hate peanuts so much. They're in everything. Why? Because they are evil. Pure. Evil.

Chapter the sixteenth...

2005-05-03T22:55:00.000-05:00

Wow, I'm boring.

It's been a while since I posted. It is at times like this that I realize how boring I am. I've had a few ideas that I thought might be worth posting, but none were developed enough for my taste. I'll have to come up with something. I still owe my aunt an explanation of what I preached.

I hate that I let it go so long without an update.

Chapter the fifteenth...

2005-04-26T23:07:00.000-05:00

On getting tickets.

I made up my mind when I first heard about it that I wanted to see Bob Dylan and Willie Nelson in concert at BellSouth Park in June. Tickets went on sale the 23rd. I was warned that the last time those two graced this part of our state, the tickets sold out fast. So, I planned on simultaneously calling the Memorial Auditorium box office and going to the website that was selling the tickets. I would go with whichever proved faster. Fifteen minutes before the tickets went on sale, my grandmother called, knocking me off the internet. Then, she called the cell phone. I talked with her...and talked with her...and talked with her. Several times I thought she was done talking with me, but I was mistaken. I refreshed the site with four minutes before the tickets went on sale, and they were already on sale. I panicked. I was trying to hurriedly fill out all these forms while talking to my grandmother. Well, I got the tickets.

John, I got a ticket for you.

Chapter the twenty-fifth...

2005-04-23T09:42:00.000-05:00

In which our hero briefly skips ahead.

It was my twenty-fifth birthday yesterday. Not a bad day. Got together with John and his family. We ate some food, watched some television, and opened some gifts. Plus, my grandmother got out of the hospital. Not a bad day at all.

Chapter the thirteenth...

2005-04-17T21:29:00.000-05:00

In which things happen.

Well, the preaching went okay. Not great, but okay. The woman that usually runs the show wasn't there because she is recovering from surgery. So, the organ player, the second in charge lady, and myself put the order of worship together ten minutes before the start of service. We had a testimonial from a young boy who forgot what he was saying several times and looked like he was going to break into tears during those pauses. I only did slightly better myself. I was paid twenty-five dollars.

I saw Sin City today. Quite graphically violent, but also pretty darned good. My favorite stuff was the way they played with color, light, and shadow. The art of it was absolutely brilliant. It makes me wish all movie makers were willing to play with the visuals more. I thought that Elijah Wood would always be Frodo in my mind. Now I'll be seeing that stare in my nightmares.

Chapter the twelfth...

2005-04-16T13:27:00.000-05:00

In which our hero panics.

Oh man, I have to preach tomorrow and I'm still not completely sure what I'm going to say. This will be the third time I've preached, so I already know it won't be good. So, I don't have that hanging over me at least. I'm pretty sure I'm going to use the story of the Tower of Babel, but I'll check the lectionary texts after I get back from work. I want to use that particular story because I have something of a radical interpretation for it. Could be cool.

Also, I may have to start running a D&D adventure on Monday or Tuesday. I don't think I will, but it's still a possibility. I also have to get a character made for a friend who's going to be playing for the first time in years.

I also need to finish my final grad school application. There's no real cut-off date, but I still need to get it done. So much to do. I know I'll forget half of it.

The Tax Man Cometh...

2005-04-15T21:50:00.000-05:00

In which taxes are paid.

Not really. My taxes were paid months ago. Suckers.

Chapter the tenth...

2005-04-13T21:00:00.000-05:00

In which our hero succumbs to the maddening guilt.

I must apologize to Steven. In a previous post I mentioned neither the babararians, nor the Gapalapagos Islands, nor his blog. If truth be told (and I hate that it must be), I had no idea that Steven possessed a blog. The fault obviously lies with Tommy, that being one of the immutable laws of the universe. Steven, I am sorry. You are the finest male prostitute that it has ever been my privilege to know.

Chapter the...

2005-04-12T14:48:00.000-05:00

In which our hero valiantly forgets which number he's on.

Is it wrong that I feel the need for the validation of strangers displayed in disturbingly sycophantic ways? I mean, all I want is a huge statue of me...made entirely of jello. With gelatin culled from the bones of the unbelievers, flavored with the cremated remains of my enemies. This is a totally normal feeling, right?

These are a few of my favorite links.

2005-04-11T22:17:00.000-05:00

In which websites are listed.

Tommy and I were talking about tea completely by Tommy's random selection. Much to his dismay, this is a topic that I know enough about to be dangerous...and boring. This got me to thinking that I should post some of my favorite culinary sites.

http://www.stivescoffee.com/
They don't roast the beans until you order them. Also, free shipping.
http://www.worldspice.com/
Lots of cool teas and spices. You don't send payment until you get your purchase.
http://www.thespicehouse.com/
Haven't used this place yet, but I will eventually.
http://www.barianioliveoil.com/
Olive oil made the way the Greeks and Italians did centuries ago. Very different.
http://www.altonbrown.com/
This guy is my guru.

Salvation isn't The Price is Right...

2005-04-10T13:52:00.000-05:00

In which our hero foregoes his usual method of chapter titling in favor of his favorite quote of the week.

"Salvation isn't The Price is Right. You are called to 'come on down,' but God doesn't tell you that if you win salvation you'll get... and then Rod Roddy says 'A BRAND NEW CAR!'" I like this one. I like it a lot.

Chapter the sixth...

2005-04-07T21:42:00.000-05:00

In which our hero learns the terrible cost of war.

It was seven dollars, tax included. Or so the laser tag people would have me believe. Keep in mind that this assumes several conditions; that you want a thirty minute war, that said war will be blacklit and held in a confined, dark, and smokey locale, and that you wish to do war with weaponry and armor that emit strange Atari-esque sounds. Of course, the cost of any war cannot be tallied in mere dollars alone. There is also the human cost. In this case that meant some wheezing from the smoke, heat, and running around in the dark. Oh, and Dylan fell down when my sister scared him.

And just so the history books record the battle correctly, I won.

On this date in history: It's Chris' birthday. Happy Birthday!

Chapter the fifth...

2005-04-06T11:00:00.000-05:00

A short treatise on a visit to the dentist.

I went to the dentist yesterday, but I don't know why. Supposedly, some of my fillings needed replacing. This sounds like a big, fat lie to me. I mean, whose advice am I going on? The dentist's, of course. It smells distinctly of a scam. But why would the dentist do this to me? The money? The fame? What? Well, let's boil the situation down to its simplest form. What did the dentist do? He bored several holes in my head. Once I realized this, it became obvious. The dentist was trying to let the demons out of my head. He knew they were there because he took x-rays of my head. I can only imagine the lude gestures they're making in that x-ray. It must have infuriated the dentist, so he hatched a plan to teach them a lesson. I miss those demons. I wonder where they are. Wherever it is, I bet they're cold and lonely.

Chapter the fourth...

2005-04-05T23:42:00.000-05:00

In which our hero despairs.

I'm sorry I haven't posted in a few days (for all you zeros of readers out there). Events have left me in a confused and painful state. My girlfriend of five years dumped me (the night of the fourth) and I am at a loss. A lot of emotions are trying to take center stage at once, leaving me curiously bereft of the strongest of them for the most part and for the moment. Things will be difficult for a while.

Chapter the third...

2005-04-02T09:26:00.000-05:00

In which things are said, meat is eaten, and decisions are made. Also, a short discourse on politics.

I don't think I like beef ribs. For taste, texture, and ease of preparation I have to go with pork ribs. This is unfortunate as I have about two pounds of beef ribs in the refrigerator.

What kind of country is the United States of America? We call it the land of the free. We're told from the time we're very young that in this country you can be whatever you want to be. Despite all this, I'm not allowed to declare myself a king and establish my house as a kingdom. And if that wasn't bad enough, they won't let me conscript an army or make my neighbors peasants. What the hell?! My fields aren't going to serf themselves, dammit! My cat can't man the ramparts adequately! And out-serfing isn't a real option because those guys are union. Throughout all of this, they still say we live in the land of the free. How blind they are. They've so totally bought into the ideal that they can't see the reality. Sad really. Well, I refuse to be sucked into that fantasy. I will continue to fight the good fight, because a nation isn't free until it respects every citizen's natural right to secede from said nation and declare his or her own monarchy.

Thanks to BSTommy for the assist.

Chapter the second...

2005-04-01T16:51:00.000-05:00

In which our hero attempts to discern why his blog hates him.

This thing is absolutely frustrating. I am constantly getting errors saying it can't do something, though it generally does it anyway. It won't let me edit one post. It says I didn't post anything, while simultaneously showing what it maintains isn't even there. Trying to spell check a post caused it to completely disappear from existence. We're considering a trial separation. We don't want to just keep it together for the kids.

One Blog Over the Line...

2005-03-31T20:52:00.000-05:00

...Sweet Jesus.

That's right. Me creating a blog does indeed signal that the blog, as a form of communication, is dying. Maybe all human civilization, too. If anybody was going to completely destroy all of man's accomplishments, I would hope that it was me. That way, everyone has to stop telling me that I'm not doing anything with my life. That will show you, grandma.

Today's Revelation: NyQuil staves off tigers. I took some last night, and came through the night without one single tiger attack. I just wish I'd made this discovery in time to save the others.

On This Date in History: On this date in 2000, I had my first date with Jill. Life has not been the same since.